By now you’ve probably heard of these wack jobs and their theories that the Earth is actually flat. Unbelievable, huh? They actually claim that it’s a government conspiracy that we’re taught the Earth is a globe. I’m game. What if the world IS flat? What if every science teacher lied to us as children? What possible reason cut these nut jobs have for advertising such ridiculous propaganda? I don’t know. But I have an active imagination. What would the world be like if the world were flat?
For starters, we’d have to build a wall around the entire Earth to keep people from accidentally, or intentionally falling off the edges. Warning signs would probably be sufficient for the accident-prone, with the exception of the blind accident prone. To prevent the outflux of people trying to end it all though, a wall would pretty much be a necessity. Either that or psychiatrists and grief counselors lined up around the edge to talk the suicidal out of taking the plunge into outer space.
Furthermore, international travel would be a real bitch, especially if you lived on any of the far sides of the Earth and wanted to travel to a country on the far other side. It would take days, even by plane to go the whole way across the Earth. And you REALLY better hope your commercial flight doesn’t overshoot the runway. Your seat cushion may not be used as an escape pod in the unlikely case the aircraft ends up overshooting the runway and careening into space.
On a more cosmetic level, I have to wonder what shape our flat world would be? Would it be a jagged, non-descript shape like our continents, or would it be more uniform like a circle or square? Me? I picture it being a giant octagon, like a giant road sign spinning through space. We could paint the entire face of the planet different colors now and then, and write giant world across it, sending out random messages to the rest of the universe.
Imagine our world being an enormous spinning STOP sign, or ROADWORK AHEAD sign? Personally, I think it should say something like MOSTLY HARMLESS or DON’T PANIC, but that’s just me. (The first person to get these references will receive a free copy of one of my books; Their choice of “Pre-Hysterical Times,” “The Vampire Chad,” or my upcoming novel, “The Haunting of Sivin’s Manor.”) First correct commenter wins!
Also, on a cosmetic level, what is on the underside of the Earth. Is it habitable as well, or is it just dirt, bedrock, or some other underground mineral? If it’s habitable, I picture a lot of people with up doos and flushed faces from the blood rushing to their heads. Kind of puts me in mind of an old, late 20th-century doll called trolls who had straight hair sticking straight up. Makes for a very entertaining looking underworld society, huh?
Now, if the bottom of the world is inhabited, and just mineral like I said, how do drillers know to stop drilling and coal miners know when to stop digging? I know both these professions have their accepted dangers, but can you imagine the sheer amount of bereavement settlements for driller and miners drilling or digging too deep and floating off into space under the planet? Talk about hazard pay? Geez!
Which brings us to some more technical and geological issues of a flat Earth. First of all, does a flat Earth rotate the same as a round planet? Does it spin round and round on a longitudinal or latitudinal axis? In laymen’s terms, does it spin horizontally or vertically end over end? Or does it not spin at all? You may not think this matters, but it the answer holds a lot of gravity. Quite literally.
If it spins vertically end over end, the Earth would experience night and day almost simultaneously. No big, except for the fact that our planet’s gravity would fluctuate quite a bit depending on where you lived on that spinning axis. The people living near the center of the planet would experience an even an increased level of gravity. The further out towards the edges that you lived, the more gravity would fluctuate depending up and down throughout the spin. They would be in for one hell of a ride..lol. A nice place to live for roller coaster enthusiasts, not so much for anyone else.
If it rotated horizontally though, there would technically not be any night. One side of the planet would not be blocking the other side from the sun. There would just be slightly cooler and warmer periods of the day, depending on which side of Earth was closer to the sun during its spin. The exception to this would be the countries situated at the center of the world where the temperature would be temperate and never fluctuate through the day.
As far as gravity goes though, it would still fluctuate. Areas on the outer edges of the earth would experience normal gravity as we know it now, whereas it would increase more and more the closer you lived to the center of the planet. On the upside, if you wanted to lose weight real quick, all you would have to do is move from the center of the planet to the outer edges. BOOM! Take that Weight Watchers!
The flat Earth theory would also probably play major havoc with our seasons. I don’t know about you, but my brain is hurting enough from the geological gobble-lee-gook we’ve already been through above. Let’s just suffice it to say that we probably wouldn’t be having our four seasons anymore. It would probably be something even nastier and confusing. End of story.
The same goes for the oceanic tides. They’d be totally screwed up. On a horizontal access, I picture all of the water of the planet being pulled to the outer edges and spilling off into space. Fill a glass of water, and spin around in circles with it if you need a demonstration. On a vertical axis, we’re talking major tsunami CONSTANTLY, with the water traveling from the inhabited side of the planet to the underside and back to the inhabited side again. It would be a freaking nightmare!
Finally, getting past all the Armageddon/geographic issues of trying to survive on a flat planet, there is one more horrific threat to consider. Our planet would probably be devoid of any and all objects small or light enough for a feline to move. You know full well that the planet’s domestic cats population would be pushing EVERYTHING off the edges of the Earth into the void beyond. That’s what cats do!
So, does a flat Earth sound like a place you’d like to live? What other struggles or advantages do you see of living in such a world? Do you agree with my interpretation of geological and astronomical theory? Hey, I’ll admit, I was a C Level student in those classes. Without a doubt though, there would the world would be a MUCH different place if it were flat. Leave your comments below.