}); What If Everyone Were Packing – Blinds-Eye View

What If Everyone Were Packing

Before I even start this one, I want to clarify that I am not citing my support for or against the 2nd Amendment or for gun control.  This is simply my wacky viewpoint on what life might be like if everyone not only owned a gun but were allowed to carry them everywhere they went.  Most of you are grown-ups and can make your own decisions on this issue.


Overall, the following personal crimes would most likely drop dramatically.  Muggings, Stickups, Home Invasions, Rape, Burglary and Pick Pocketing.  I can’t imagine many of these people having the balls to mug grandma when she is packing a .44 magnum in that 50-pound purse of hers.

Road Rage

Everyone running around with guns may not necessarily cut down on the occurrence of road rage.  It would definitely make it more entertaining though.  You just cut me off you mofo old lady, take that….BANG.  Oh no you didn’t, says Grandma with her AK-47.  BAADA  DURP…BAADA DURP DURP DURP!  (Hey, you try to spell out a machine gun sound.)


Needless to say, everybody packing would definitely lead to more challenges for our boys in blue.  They’d be much less likely to pull you over for a simple broken taillight or seatbelt infraction.  Not to mention they’d think twice about using undue force.  Nope…not worth the chance of having lead pulled out of my ass.  You can go.

Retail Workers

A personal favorite of mine.  Picky and complaining customers may think twice about pissing you off if you have a bazooka tucked under that red vest.  Sure, the customers would be packing too, which could lead to some interesting and bloody complaint resolutions, but at least retailer workers wouldn’t have to automatically take their shit.  What’s your manager really going to say to you?  Now, Tara, that’s the third customer you’ve capped this week.  We can’t sell shoes to dead customers. BANG!  Folks, I’d like to introduce you to your new manager, Tara Neill.

Black Friday

And speaking of retail hell, can you imagine the bloodbath on Black Friday?  And you think Aunt Sophie gets violent fighting over that last Magnavox TV?   Let’s put a loaded shotgun, .357 Magnum, and a Glock into the mix.  And that’s not even getting into what the other customer might be carrying.  Walmart would be a lot less crowded on the morning of Black Friday, or a lot bloodier.

Teenage Challenges

Forget your munching down on Tide Pods, burning yourself on stovetops, or taking a Weed Eater to your nards.  Shit would get real when these idiots added firearms to their personal challenges.  On the upside, natural selection would weed out the idiots of our race REAL fast.  Oh, yeah…you shot off your big toe?  That’s sooo last week.  Watch me get pierce my own ears!


This one kind of fits into the category of less crime.  I couldn’t resist adding it separately though.  I’m just imagining this scenario.

HIJACKER 1:     Okay, everyone, this is a hijacking!  Set course for Mexico, or we all die!

HIJACKER 2:     The hell with that, I want to go to Figi!

HIJACKER 1:     Figi?  That’s a tourist nightmare.  Mexico has so much more culture.

HIJACKER 3:     Screw you guys, if we’re giving orders here, I’m saying France.  I’ve always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower.

HIJACKER 4      I want more peanuts, and I want them now!

Old Lady:         Who’s a bitch gotta plug to get another pillow around here?


Even though teachers would have their handy desk Glock, they’d still be less likely to annoy the students.  Okay, okay, you DON’T have to do your homework tonight.  Let’s all just calm down and put our pistols away at the same time, okay?  Yes, we can do finger paints instead, like the other kindergarteners.


Everyone would probably be a lot more generous with their donations if Sister Mary carrying around the collection plate had a sawed-off shotgun in her other hand.  They’d probably be a lot more honest at confession as well, not knowing what Father Reilly may have pointing at them from his secluded side of the confessional.  And you thought Catholicism was already strict?  Why carry a slide ruler when you can pull a 30/30 out from under those robes?


The slew of internet pranksters would be in real trouble.  You put pepper in my coffee?  BANG!  You clipped a fake snake to my shirt?  BANG!  You stole my clothes while I was showering at the gym?  Yeah, you go ahead and film my naked, rolly-pully ass chasing you down the street.  Say hello to my little friend!  And I’m not talking about “Little Marty” swinging along as we run.  BAADA  DURP…BAADA DURP DURP DURP!  (Still, love that sound.)

So, how do you think everyone running around with firearms would change our society.  Would the good outweigh the bad, or would it be total chaos?  Leave your thoughts in the comments section below.


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