}); Top 10 Terrible Places To Have Sex – Blinds-Eye View

Top 10 Terrible Places To Have Sex

Anyone with a healthy imaginative sex life has had sex in more locations than just their bed.  Though it may certainly be the most comfortable and reasonable place to “do the dirty,” we all like a little spice and variety in our sex life.  Doing it in different locations is part of this.  Anyone who is anyone has “broken in” every room of their house.  Kitchen, living room, bathroom, the kids’ rooms.  Those places are easily acceptable, though I’d advise you only to experiment with them when the two of you are home alone.  There are few things more mortifying to you, and your teenagers, than to be caught slamming it to their mother on the kitchen table.  They may never eat again.

Likewise, there are a lot of places out there that are not really the best options for sex locale.  Here are just a few, and an explanation why you should avoid them…

#10  Your Boss’s Desk

A super risky locale, especially if the person you’re having sex with isn’t your boss.  Not that I’m suggesting you have sex with your boss, as this is a whole other level of mistake.  Getting caught having sex on your boss’s desk though, by your boss, is pretty much an automatic nail on your professional coffin.  You’ll not only be fired from your job, but future employers will be getting quite the unique picture of you if they contact your prior boss. Perhaps, a quite literal picture, if they have working cameras in their office.

#9    On The Street

Not that I’ve ever heard of this one happening, but it does make for a pretty funny picture.  “Aren’t you done yet?  The light’s about to turn green.  Talk about performance pressure.  BEEP BEEP!

#8    Dumpster

Truly the most disgusting location I could come up with.  Unless, of course, we’re talking a restaurant dumpster.  BLECK!  Being a child of the 1980’s, my first impression of this is “Where’s the Beef?”  Sorry, had to go there.

#7    Basement

I skipped this particular room of the house on purpose.  It’s one thing if we’re talking a finished basement, which is utilized as a part of the house daily.  That’s totally cool.  If it’s like most basements though, cold, dank with cement floors and cobwebs and dirt everywhere, I’d advise against it.  Unless you’re a bit goth and into the dark dank castle vibe.  Then it might be right up your alley.

#6    In A Moving Vehicle

Yes, I know, this one actually happens.  We’ve all seen the movies where the driver gets a little for extra attention from the passenger while driving down the highway.  Just because you see it in the movies or TV though, that doesn’t make it the best idea.  The number of people busted by the police, and or who have been involved in traffic accidents might surprise you.  Trust me, I off all people know desperate and horny.  Is it truly worth the ticket, damage to your vehicle, and personal embarrassment though?  Yes?  Oh, by all means, proceed then..lol.

#5    On A Staircase

Another portion of the house I skipped for good reason.  Even if you’re not trying to a trapeze artist and are laying down on the steps, one moment of lost traction, and whoever is on the bottom is in for one painful case of rugburn as the two of you got bouncing down the steps.  Sure, it may save you the energy of a few strokes, but that won’t matter to your bare ass suffering from brush burn.  Explain that one to the Emergency Room?

#4    On a Roof

Okay, okay…if it’s a flat or only slightly inclined roof, and you’re nowhere near the edge, go for it.  The most you’ll suffer from is your next door neighbors or aircraft flying over you catching the show.  Just be careful you don’t contract a nasty case of shingles while you’re at it.  Yeah, I know, that was bad.  I*’m proud of it though.

#3    On The Toilet

While “breaking into the bathroom” it may be tempted to use this convenient seat.  And yes, from experience, it does work nicely.  One suggestion though.  Make sure BOTH the seat and the seat cover are DOWN.  One, nobody wants to repeatedly dunk their hindquarters in cold water while having sex.  Well…maybe someone out there does, but I’m not going there right now.  And as for the seat cover being down, our bodies instinctively recognize the feel of a toilet seat and “loosen up” accordingly.  It may seem like an awesome way to multitask, but chances are that your partner will not enjoy the added acoustic and olfactory additions to your sex play.  I’m not shitting you here.

#2    Walk-In Freezer

Okay, okay…so I can understand the allure of a little ice play in sex.  I’ve been there, and yes, it can be freaking AWESOME.  This being said though, bumping uglies in the walk-in freezer is most likely not going to work well for ya.  One, blood tends to retreat to your core when the body is cold.  You’re not going to have a little icicle there, he’s gonna go all turtle on your ass.  Beyond this, sexual arousal for the ladies tends to sharply decline when they’re cold, regardless of how their hands and feet always retain the cozy warmness of the iceberg which sank the Titanic.  The body protects itself, and self-preservation and sex don’t mix.

Furthermore, warm things tend to freeze to cold surfaces.  Remember the old picture of the boy’s tongue on the flagpole?  Do you really want any part of your naked anatomy being stuck to a frozen surface?  Unlikely.

#1    While Skydiving

I’ve actually heard of this one being done, though I have to really question how effective and arousing it is.  Falling towards the earth at Mach one, trying to gyrate together as the air is slamming against your naked body doesn’t really sound all that sexy to me.  Besides, this is definitely a case where not pulling out on time is really gonna cost you big.  SPLAT!

So, how many of you have attempted sex in one of these locations?  Be honest now.  Can you think of a worse place to do it in?  Leave your responses in the comment section below.

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