}); Blinds-Eye View – Page 2 – A humorous look at the world, through the eyes of a blind man.

How To Fart In Public

Admit it, we’ve all been there.  You’re hanging out with friends, family, or coworkers, and you feel those bubbles pushing their way through your lower intestines.  What do you do?  How do you handle it?  What exactly is the etiquette to proper gastronomical release?  I have you covered! Hold It The first and most common

The Vampire Chad (Part 16)

A thousand questions flooded my mind at that particular moment, but Chrystal was having none of it when they started flying out of my mouth. “Shush…not now,” she scolded me, almost like a child.  “We need to get away from here now.  Before he gets back.  And never mind who.  I’ll explain it all to

6 Words To Describe Yourself

If you could only use 6 words to describe yourself to a stranger, what would they be, and why?  The #1 rule here is that you can NOT list more negative traits than positive ones.  It’s always easier for us to knock ourselves down than to lift ourselves up.  We need to resist that inclination,

The Vampire Chad (Part 15)

The casket was sitting on top of a larger stone coffin in the middle of what appeared to be a family or church crypt.  A very out of place location for a modern casket.  A few other stone coffins were set into the floor of the crypt such as this one under the casket, and

Top 10 Terrible Things That Scare Me

I probably should have used this one back in Halloween season, but I never got around to it.  We all have things that scare us, whether it’s something tangible like spiders, or circumstantial such as accidentally showing up at work or school naked.  It’s our minds way of protecting us from the dangers of the

The Vampire Chad (Part 14)

Having said his peace, Tas was good to his word.  Removing the Soul Seer Amulet from my neck, with the jibe that he didn’t want me running off with one of them again, he put it, and the one that had been around his neck, back in the cabinet.  He then walked over to an

How To Dig A Ditch

Unlike most of the kids of today, my brother’s and I had a lot of physical chores we were expected to perform on a regular basis growing up.  Chopping and stacking wood, shoveling coal, spreading gravel, mowing the yard, helping build garage after garage after garage, etc.  None of these jobs were particularly fun, we

The Vampire Chad (Part 13)

“Tas Vandlo,” I exclaimed the second I woke up the following evening.  No, that wasn’t her name, I chuckled to myself.  A girl with that weird of a name would be pretty hard to forget.  Granted, where my unconscious mind pulled up that little gem of a name, I had no clue. But it certainly

How To Drive A Car (Blindman Style)

DISCLAIMER:  This Helpful How-To is for entertainment purposes only.  If you are legally blind, please do not attempt any of the suggestions in this post.  That being said, it is also not my intention to discriminate or poke fun at the legally blind or visually handicapped.  Okay…okay…that last part is a lie.  I’m legally blind

The Vampire Chad (Part 12)

“Does that convince you, Chrystal,” I asked, madly rubbing the tears off my face.  “Does that prove my love to you, for Christ’s sake?  Or do I have to go screw and kill every other well-to-do bitch in this place?  Would you like that?  Is that truly what you want me to do?” Chrystal glared

How To Survive Black Friday

In just a few short weeks, it will be upon us again people.  That treacherous After-Thanksgiving chaos called Black Friday.  Or, for those trying to be politically correct, The After-Thanksgiving Sale.  Anyone who has braved the big name stores such as Wal-Mart knows, there is NOTHING politically correct about this particular bloodbath.  It’s survival of

The Vampire Chad (Part 11)

This is definitely not the behavior you would expect from a pure and well-mannered Cinderalla Ball debutante.  Not that I was complaining, mind you.  I just felt that the timing, company and venue were a bit off.  Giving a man you just met a handjob underneath the table at a prestigious event was outrageous enough.

20 Terrific Things Kids Can Get Away With

I’m sure you’ve seen variations of this one and agree with me.  Kids have it made.  Yes, they have their own age-specific problems and challenges, which I would never choose to face in this century, but they still lack that one key factor; The responsibility of adulthood.  What I wouldn’t give to be able to

The Vampire Chad (Part 10)

And unlike Chrystal, I rarely played with my food.  C.J. had been an exception, as he was truly my first kill and I wanted to make sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he deserved to die.  Yes, I still made sure that my marks deserved their sentence, but I spent as little time

The Top 10 Terrible Questions You Always Wanted To Ask About Sex

As Americans, we like to believe that we are so much more enlightened and open-minded than the rest of the world.  In some cases, this may be true.  On the subject of sex though, we can be downright prudish.  And with this uptight attitude, comes a lot of unanswered questions people are too embarrassed or

The Vampire Chad (Part 9)

So we had the most important piece for our plan; A dead body.  Now we just had to turn him into me.  This was the easy, though slightly painful part.  Using our elevated vampire strength, we easily broke his jaw and pulled out several key teeth; Teeth which matched fillings and dental work which I

Which Is The Truth?

I’ve seen a few of these around and figured I’d give it a shot.  I tell two stories; One true, one a total fabrication.  The reader has to figure out which one is real and which is total B.S.  I figure with my ability to tell tall tales, I might actually have a chance of

The Dilemmas of Daylight Saving Time

If you’re like the majority of people living in the gold ole U.S.A., you’re no stranger to the pain in the ass which is Daylight Savings Time (DST). Granted, we’re not the only ones in the world who have to follow this archaic practice.  As many as 70 countries do so in this day and

The Vampire Chad (Part 8)

I awoke the next evening with the realization that it had now been three entire days since my birthday; Since the night Chrystal had spirited me away from Kim and my other friends at the bar.  No matter what else Chrystal might have on our agenda tonight, I had to at least call Kim and

The Vampire Chad (Part 7)

I sat there and watched the seconds, then the minutes, then an hour tick away.  It was almost 4 a.m., and I needed to do SOMETHING soon.  Sure, the thick dark curtains of the bedroom would protect me from the morning light, but once the sun rose for the day, I was stuck there.  The