A while back, some of my more devote readers may remember I wrote a post “A Modest Proposal,” on the advantages of ceasing human life at age 70. For those of you who didn’t, a “modest proposal” is a totally ridiculous suggestion, backed up with a ton of supporting evidence. It’s not meant to sway you, just make you be a devil’s advocate and the less popular side of every argument. They’re more for fun and insight than to be taken seriously. Like, who’s going to start killing people off at 70 years old just because it would probably slice health care costs in half? Sorry Grampa, my deductible is just getting too high. BANG! 😊
For this post’s “Modest Proposal,” I’ve decided to take on another topic which should turn some heads. I believe we should stop disposing of the dead through burial and cremation. It’s a total waste of a plentiful resource. Let me explain.
Up until recent years, we have buried more of our dead than we have cremated. The figures are almost 50/50 now, with cremation on the rise due to the ridiculous cost of burial. Still, that leaves more than a million people buried each year here in the United States alone. That is a decent amount of physical property dedicated for the sole use of burying something. It’s property that can’t be utilized for anything else, be it building on or removing resources from. It’s a severe waste of space.
If we didn’t “throw out” all these bodies, med schools would have an endless supply of cadavers to learn and hone their skills on, making much more educated and talented doctors.
Medical science itself would have leaped ahead with an unlimited amount of human tissue to experiment with to find cures for all kinds of diseases and maladies. How better to understand and prevent these than to study the victims of such cases?
Again, there would be an endless supply of organs to service those in desperate need of heart, liver, kidney and other organ transplants.
The skin could be harvested from the millions of corpses a year to be used to treat burn and accident victims.
On the more cosmetic side, nobody would have to suffer baldness ever again with an endless supply of hair for hair transplants and real hair wigs.
As noted earlier, the cost of corpse preparation, internment, and cremation are ridiculously high. Just think of the amount of money that could be saved and used for more productive or personal use? People are literally throwing their money away with their loved ones.
Cut Down On Pollution
And even though cremation isn’t as expensive and internment, it still costs money, not to mention the pollution every cremation sends up into our atmosphere. Around 1 million bodies worth a year.
Elimination of World Hunger
Okay, I’ll admit it, this is a bit of a sick one. But when you look at the horrible number of people who are starving in this world, reprocessed meat is still meat. Trust me, there are much unhealthier things we put into our bodies every day, without batting an eyelash.
Emotional Attachment To Burial Spot or Urn
The mourning process would most likely be much easier on the living, with no burial spot or urn to hold onto emotionally or to visit. The out of sight, out of mind rule applies here.
Decomposed animal and plant material make wonderful fertilizer. This is the TRUE meaning of the circle of life and “What comes from the Earth, returns to the earth.”
For those who can’t bear to be without their dear departed loved ones, the corpses could always be treated by a taxidermist. The possibilities are endless. You could use Gramma as a scarecrow in your garden, a mannequin in your store, or throw her in the passenger seat of your van so you can utilize the carpool lane. And for you horndogs, I’m sure the taxidermist could design you the ultimate in realistic sex dolls. It feels real because it is real. Oh yeah, I’m probably going to hell for that one.
Finally, the world’s worry about a zombie apocalypse would finally be put to rest. With all of our dead being disassembled and refashioned for all the above uses, there would be no whole dead bodies to lumber around killing us.
So, can you come up with any other convenient uses for the dead? Have I totally grossed you out here? Are you wondering just how the hell I sleep with myself at night? Do you have any good ideas for my next “Modest Proposal?” Leave your responses in the comments section below.