DISCLAIMER: Content is both verbally and visually Not Safe For Work or anyone. You have been warned.
As someone who has always been quite open with my sexuality, I’maboutays game for little tidbits of extra knowledge and experience. Granted, my actual experience in this area has been somewhat lacking the majority of my life, but that’s the great thing about a person with a creative mind. What I lack in experience, I make up for in imagination. With this being said, even I have seen and heard of some weird shit that just blows my mind. You put what, where? With who watching? And there were bald midgets involved? Juggling bald midgets, you say? Intriguing!
Anyway, the other day I was searching one of my favorite “sex product” sites, merely for research of course, and I came upon a slew of items which scared the beejeebers out of me. Seriously, if some of them hadn’t had descriptions, I’d swear they were designed as medieval torture devices. Not that a few good medieval torture devices in the bedroom are a bad thing, mind you, but these ones definitely had me wondering. So, I decided to share some of them with you.
#10 Though this “little” toy is total recognizable, I’m still kind of afraid for the poor guy they modeled it off of. The boy definitely has a condition he needs to seek some medical advice on. And what woman would put this mutated slong inside of her. So many questions I truly don’t want answered here
#9 No, it’s not a Texas bowtie, at least not for around your neck. I think it might be a leash for “something” else. I have no problems with bondage, mind you, but I’m not quite sure I want to someone pulling me around with this choker.
#8 Could be a butt spatula? Could be an ice cream scooper? Could be a shoe horn? I’m not sure. I’m fairly certain it may be a bit out of my comfort zone though.
#7 I “think” I may have this one figured out. I’m REALLY hoping it’s only for the ladies though. Regardless, those little teeney weenie spikes can’t be comfortable for ANYONE!
#6 This obvious goes up “some” orifice. Not sure which one. Not sure if the little circle is all about though. Could be a penis ring? Could be a monocle? Could be a hoop your suppose to enflame and have lions jump through.
#5 I know what this is, and where it goes. Did they have to make it look like a sword though? Sword swallowing in itself kind of grosses me out. Sticking one up the other end just sounds a bit too dangerous for me.
#4 Unless this monster is a lot shorter in scale than it appears, it looks like it could perforate your internal organs right up to your freaking lungs. Ribbed for all your organs’ pleasure, with vibro-action for those movers and shakers!
#3 At first glance, this contraption appeared to be some kind of freaky welder to me. Instead, it’s actually a pretty much industrial strength penis pump/masturbator. That itself isn’t TOO weird until you consider the $500 price tag. Yes, I’d do a lot for my sexual pleasure, but that $ tag really blows! 😊
#2 If you can’t make out the small print, this product is a numbing deep throat spray. Don’t get me wrong…I can see the usefulness for those ladies with “large” or “long” men. I just imagining the dirty pillow talk she’d be spitting and sputtering with a totally numb throat and tongue.
“Oh gath vavey! Youth Da Beth! Hawdr! Hawdr! Deefer! Deefer!”
#1 Could be another butt plug? Could be Dumbledore’s wand? Either way, you’re going to see it disappear.
So, how many of these did you recognize right away? How many of them have you personally used? Have you tried anything even more bizarre? Gimme the dirt! Yeah…like anyone is going to answer all of these questions? LMAO.