}); 10 Terrible Ways To Eat An Ice-Cream Cone – Blinds-Eye View

10 Terrible Ways To Eat An Ice-Cream Cone

More of a summertime post, this one just came to me today, so I figured I’d throw it out there. What red-blooded American doesn’t love a good old-fashioned ice cream cone from their local ice cream shop? There’s no better way to cool down on a hot summer’s day. And real ice cream fans would eat it year round. But there are ways that this delicious treat was not meant to be savored. Dark ways, vile ways, ways that should be never spoken of. Here they are!

10# From The Side

Though I would most likely pay good money to see this one, it would have to be one of the messiest most difficult ways to do it. Working from the side from top to bottom and back again? Why gawd why?

9# From The Bottom

You don’t need to hang around with bastards like these. They’re doing it wrong just for the sake of doing it wrong, or for the notoriety. Do it right you attention-seeking, left-wing, still-living-at-home-with-mommy-and-daddy, 30-year-old emo!

8# With a Fork

The way the dignified and mannered gentleman or lady consumes their frozen treat. Jerry Seinfeld would be proud of you, but that is certainly no compliment. Use your freaking fingers like a good little animal!

7# In One Bite

One part hog, one part masochist. This isn’t a hot dog eating contest, you’re supposed to savor ice-cream and make it last. Though I do note, I think it would be hilarious watching an ice-cream cone eating contest. Oh, the brain freeze! LMAO

6# Naked

Though I’ve more than adequately covered the perils of cooking and eating hot foods naked, I don’t think I’ve warned you of this one. Fido coming over and licking ice-cream drippings off your shirt or pant leg are one thing. Licking it off your nipples or nads is another. Save that little trick for the bedroom with your significant other. Videos may be sent to the offices of Blinds-Eye View at 538 West Mahoning Street, Punxsutawney, PA 15767 for judging.

5# In A Car With The Windows Rolled Up

Wolfing down an ice-cream cone in Mom and Dad’s car at the local drive-in ice-cream shop was dangerous enough to the car upholstery. Rolling up the windows on a summer day and having to down a quadruple scoop ice cream cone before it turned into a tsunami of melted goo running down over your hands and arms is another. What a freaking mess!

4# With Chopsticks

Is this how the Chinese eat their ice-cream? I’d so pay to see the effectiveness of this ancient tradition. It would be beyond frustrating eating ice-cream this way. Chinese murder and suicide rates would skyrocket.

3# Microwaved or baked.

Fried or flambéed ice cream is one thing. Baked or microwaved is another. Unless you like eating a soggy wilted cone drenched in hot melted sludge. I’m not one to judge, but YUCK!

2# With No Hands

Someone who was very careful, very delicate, and very patient could probably pull this one off. I am none of these when it comes to the sweet yumminess which is ice-cream. I would be wearing more of the treat than I’d be actually ingesting. It would be quite entertaining for onlookers though.

1# Being Fed By Someone Else

This could be sexy, like in the movie “Top Gun. Or it could be totally ridiculous like in the spoof of the same movie, “Hot Shots.” More likely the latter, being that its ice-cream. The teamwork and shared dexterity would make it difficult enough. The overwhelming urge to go postal with that messy little snack and totally ruin your friend or family member’s whole face with it would be next to impossible to resist. Sucker!

So, what’s your favorite way to eat an ice-cream cone? Is it the boring “Start at the top and work your way down” method? Is it one of the above examples? Do you have your own twisted way to eat a twist cone? Leave your comments in the section below!