}); 10 Terrible New Year’s Resolutions – Blinds-Eye View

10 Terrible New Year’s Resolutions

We all make them, publicly or privately to ourselves.  Things are going to be different this coming year.  Things are going to be better.  I’m going to be happier.  Bullshit!  The road to good intentions is paved with quicksand.  Or extra potholes if you live in Pennsylvania.  It ain’t never gonna happen, darlin’.  Here’s a list of the most popular resolutions, and my personal viewpoint on why they just don’t work out for us.


#10  Eating Less

Eating less after the holidays is something we all promise ourselves.  Just the clue that we make this resolution right before we go on a month-long gorge-fest between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day should tell you how serious we are about eating the proper amounts.  Hell, just “knowing” what we’re planning on doing makes us eat that much more during this no-holds-barred time period of self-indulgence.  We’d probably fair better not making this resolution, and just using a little moderation during the holidays.  But what’s the fun in that?


#9    Eat Better

Tieng right in with eating less is eating better.  Sure, a lot of the foods we eat for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner are considered healthy, but the ton of desserts, Christmas candy, and alcohol we shove into our bodies for a month aren’t.  Again, it’s more about moderation than deprivation here.  Having a slice of Grandma’s apple pie is fine.  Eating half the pie yourself, buried under an avalanche of whipped cream, sprinkles, and whole Hershey Bars is not.


#8    Exercise More

Right along with eating less, and eating better, we SWEAR we’re going to get more exercise.  We want some chance of not being dragged off to SeaWorld when we hit the beach in a few months.  The dedicated among us will buy exercise equipment or a gym membership in January.  The truly dedicated ones among us will actually use it once or twice that first month.  By the time the Valentine candy is bought though, we’ve all given up that sweet body for a sweet tart.  On the upside our hands and arms are still getting some exercise, traveling from the plate to our faces.


#7    Get A New Job

Okay, now that we’ve resigned ourselves to remaining the fat blobs we are, it’s time to make a different big change in life.  There’s nothing like resolving to get a new job to make you excited about the upcoming year.  Once you actually start your job search though, you discover that you’re probably better off staying where you’re at.  You’ve been doing the job so long, you’ve got it memorized and perfected, you’re used to working with the same crew you have for the past 10 years, and you know all the ins and outs of manipulating your miserable boss.  Who wants to go through the process of learning new skills, finding new friends, or breaking into a new boss?  Totally not worth the effort.  And why deprive yourself of another year’s worth of complaining about your current job?  😊


#6    Better Social Life

Unless you’re a total homebound hermit, you’re probably not content with your current social life.  Work and home constraints can make having any kind of life outside of these two areas a challenge.  You and your friends keep saying that you need to see each other more often, to get together and have more great times, but it rarely happens.  Work and family bog ya down, not to mention general laziness.  It’s so easy to fall into the hermit trap.


#5    To Be A Better Parent

Again, there’s the job, there’s the house to take care of, and escaping the house once or twice a year to have a drink or two with your friends.  Whoops, forgot the little people who I cohabitate with!  It’s so easy to fall into the “We all do our own thing” rut…especially with teenagers.  The cave-dwelling kids refuse to leave the solitude of their teen caves, also known as bedrooms unless their off running with friends.

You’ve got your nose in your own matters, and the only time you actually see each other is when they come out of their caves for food.  You say that this year is going to be different.  You’re going to have actual family meals, family game night, and spend more quality time together in and out of the house.  Yeah, good luck with that…lol.  Even if you’re up for it, and try to stick to your guns, it’s still a matter of continually dragging your children out of their caves into the light.  It burns, Dad!  It burns!  HISS!


#4    Falling In love

Whether you’re a single parent like me, a spinster, or a just a younger person who hasn’t found Mr./Miss Right yet.  This is going to be your year!  This is the year you’re going to find that perfect person to complete you!  The one who will save you from being a perpetual third wheel among your friends!  The love of your life!  Or, at least, someone you can spend time alone time with and bump uglies.  Yeah, keep dreaming their Romeo.  Chances are, it’s gonna be you, a lot of TV dinners, and countless tubes of lube between this January and next December.


#3    Make Your Life More Positive and Organized

Whether this is a mundane as keeping your house cleaner and more organized or totally revamping the way you do your job, we all go into the year with a renewed sense of enthusiasm about being a more positive and organized person.  You might even go through the process of getting the clutter out of your house and work place in January.  Come February or March though, and you realize it’s a matter of MAINTAINING that organization though, you’ll start to slip.  By April or May, TOPS, you’ll be buried in your own piles of laziness again.  But you’ll STILL know where everything is right?


#2    Be More Spontaneous

A lot of these previous resolutions come down to the same premise. I’m going to change things up in my life.  Being more spontaneous is a common way to achieve all of these.  It keeps life interesting and changing.  The only problem with this is, people are instinctively against change.  Life is easier without it.  At least, that’s the common thought process.  The current way of doing things may suck and may not be the best, but we’re used to doing it this way.  Change takes time.  Being a slug takes little to no effort or time.


#1    Be More Creative

Going right along, hand in hand, with spontaneity, is creativity.  Everybody has a talent, hidden or otherwise, and we all vow to dedicate more time to fostering that talent or creativity.  It keeps our lives more interesting, separates us from the masses, and gives our lives purpose and hope.  Who the hell has the time and energy for that shit, right?

Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *